Saturday, 27 June 2009

  • The Moment You Waited For...

    IT'S DONE!!

    TheMarriedFreshman Mad Lib is complete! You guys have no idea how much I had to exercise my brain for this, but it was totally worth it. You all made it such a good time. How awesome is it that all 19 of you came through with your words ON TIME and everything?! I've been chuckling over the results for a couple days, as I got more and more words in. And now the finished product is ready for viewing!
    ~All submitted words are underlined. I wasn't sure whether to do this or not, but I think it's better that way.
    ~Credits are at the end, so be conscientious and check those out.
    ~I did not pick and choose the order of these--the words were placed according to the order in which you signed up.
    ~If you knew nothing of this post prior to that, and your name features in the Mad Lib at some point, I hope you enjoy! (Only, I didn't pick any of these names, and the ones who did had no idea what would happen to their selections so.... No complaining. )
    ~Sorry about the crazy colors. I color-coded stuff while I was filling out the Mad Lib in Word and I can't make them go away. I have no idea why.
    ~It's long. But that's okay. It's still funny! :p

    Without further rambling on my part, I give you

    "The Quest"

     

    Once upon an hour, a beautiful Duck-Billed Platypus went on a journey to “find” himself. This journey required hot meditation along the way, so the Platypus searched for a good meditation spot. Deep in the tropical jungle of Dusseldorf, Germany, the Platypus discovered a Pool of Reflection, signified by the plummy rock formations surrounding the water. The Platypus, feeling gratified, got into a comfortable position and gazed into the pool. Gradually, the clear surface clouded, then began to boil, until a Sacred Water-Aardvark appeared from the spray.

                “WHAT,” it said in a booming voice, “DO YOU SEEK?”

    Trembling, the Platypus put his hands together in supplication. He boldly transformed for a moment, in order to gather his thoughts. Then the Platypus bowed his head and spoke.

                “I seek the most Posh Step-sister, and all the treasured knowledge it contains, for I am on a journey to find myself, O Sacred Water-Aardvark.”

    At this, the Sacred Water-Aardvark paused. It looked over the Platypus’ soul and found it colloquial , yet in need of more substance.

                “YOU SHALL CONTINUE ON YOUR QUEST, HUMBLE PLATYPUS, “ boomed the Water-Aardvark, “BUT YOU CANNOT TRAVEL THE LONG ROAD WITHOUT YOUR PROPER NAME. I DIVINE THAT YOU KNOW IT NOT. TO REVEAL YOUR PROPER NAME, YOU MUST ATTACK THE NINJA WITHIN THE CAVE OF ANSWERS. MAY YOU FIND ALL YOU TRULY SEEK, HUMBLE PLATYPUS.”

    With this, it began to sink back into the bubbling Pool of Reflection. The Platypus was suddenly struck with a thought—

                “Wait! O Sacred Water-Aardvark, how do I find the Cave of Answers? I do not know the way!”

    The Water-Aardvark stopped sinking, although it was already up to its arms.

                “OH YES. SO SORRY, I NEARLY FORGOT. CONSECRATE DOWN THIS PATH UNTIL YOU REACH AN ORANGE-WINGED COLOGNE. THEN DO EVERYTHING EXACTLY OPPOSITE AS IT SAYS. HEED MY WORDS, HUMBLE PLATYPUS! HEED THEM WELLLL—blub, blub…” and it was gone.

     

    The Platypus, after performing the sacred rite of skipping in thanks to the Water-Aardvark, expeditiously consecrated down the path. It was hot and humid, being a tropical sort of place, deep in the heart of the aforementioned Dusseldorf, Germany, and the Platypus began to thirst—most especially for a nice, cold mug of  Scotch. Eventually, after a sudden twist in the path, he reached the Orange-Winged Cologne. To his surprise, it spoke in a very lilliputian-y voice, which grated on the Platypus’ nerves something terrible.
                “What do you seek?” it queried impatiently.

    “I seek the most Posh Step-sister and all the treasured knowledge it contains, for I am on a journey to find myself. But the Sacred Water-Aardvark told me I must first discover my proper name in the Cave of Answers. I am searching for it, and was told to ask you for the way. Will you tell me the way?” gasped the Platypus, who was still quite parched and a bit out of breath.

    The Orange-Winged Cologne was cunning and sly and always full of mischief, having absorbed the essence of TheBigShowAtUD over centuries of close proximity. It observed the Platypus’ thirst and sought to wreak havoc in his life for a time, being, as already said, infused with the essence of TheBigShowAtUD.
                “Weeeelll, if you take a right at the fork in the path, you’ll find the Cave of Answers on your left, right next to a magically delicious stream of Scotch. Once you’ve had your fill, the Cave of Answers will open for you when you hop clockwise and scream the phrase ‘TheBigShowAtUD  is gorgeous!’”

                Unable to talk much, the Platypus merely nodded and went on his way, fully intending to exactly the opposite of everything the Orange-Winged Cologne had directed. It tortured the Platypus that he couldn’t visit the magically-delicious stream of Scotch, but he decided that even if such a stream existed in this jungle, it would be better to suffer for the knowledge of his proper name.

     

    So, at the first giant fork stuck into the earth, the Platypus turned left. The jungle became unemployed, which was almost as bad as the humidity, but still the Platypus persevered. After awhile, a fluorescent cliff came into view on the his right, nearly hidden by extremely dense clouds of frisbees. “A good thing I remembered to look to my right and not my left, or I would have missed it, “ thought the Platypus.

    Still thirsty, the he breathed up to what looked like the outline of an entrance, although it was sealed tight with eggbeaters. And here it became rather tricky. The Platypus hopped counter-clockwise and whispered very quietly. But it was not enough. For what the he had whispered was not exactly the opposite of the phrase given by the Orange-Winged Cologne. The Platypus, confused, tried it again.
                “TheBigShowAtUD is not gorgeous.”

    Nothing happened. The Platypus tried something else.

    “TheBigShowAtUD is hideous.”

    Still nothing.

    “Jumpin’ junipers !!” The Platypus thought hard, but could not fathom what else could be opposite the phrase, “TheBigShowAtUD is gorgeous.” He asphyxiated back and forth in consternation. Then he began to meditate. After three fortnights, the Platypus masticated in triumph!

    “I’ve got it!” The Platypus hopped counter-clockwise and whispered very quietly, “Antisoccermom is gorgeous-ER!”

    The cave entrance shivered, sighed, whispered back “And TheBigShowAtUD is pasty” and released the eggbeaters which had sealed it. The Cave of Answers was open to the Platypus.

    He pantomimed inside, bemused at this auspicious moment in his life. There were labyrinth-like passages within the depths of the cool, dark cave, but the Platypus ignored all side passages. He stuck to the straight path. He was rewarded when he caught the glint of Scotch up ahead. The Platypus quenched his thirst at the pool of Scotch, saving some in his canteen for later, and rode for awhile in the peace and silence.

    Suddenly, a Ninja caught his eye as it gently swayed in the cave’s breeze. The Platypus approached it, the dumpy aroma of a  happily incompetent Statue of Liberty wafting to his nostrils. Gently, the Platypus attacked the Ninja. It squirmed for a moment, then asked in a calm and clear voice,
                “What do you seek?”

    “I seek the most Posh Step-sister and all the treasured knowledge it contains, for I am on a journey to find myself. But the Sacred Water-Aardvark told me I must first discover my proper name in the Cave of Answers. I have followed all directions opposite to the guidance of the Orange-Winged Cologne to reach you. Will you help me complete my quest?”
                The Ninja was silent for a minute. Then it asked again—

    “What do you seek?”

    The Platypus was elated at this response. He tried again.

    “I seek…the most Posh Step-sister—“

    This time the Ninja interuppted, its voice becoming around fertile, “What do you seek!”

    The Platypus did not answer immediately. He thought about the journey to get here. Thought about what he had learned. Thought about the lessons in love, dreams, and courage. And then the Platypus knew what to say.

    “I seek…myself. My proper name. Can you tell me who I am?”

    The Ninja played in silence, as though considering. Then it spoke.

    “This jungle of Dusseldorf, Germany is filled with all the qualities of those we look up to. The very air is thick with their character qualities.You, Platypus, have acquired over the course of your life and your journey here the essences of  TheTheologiansCafe, in your knowledge of hamburgers; of TheCheshireGrins, in your fuzzy joyfulness; and of Power_Ranger_Freak, in your excessive running. With all these qualities you have added your own unique cherry flavor. I believe this comes from the purple fur on your big toes. It’s quite fascinating. But I digress.

    Because of your journey and the recognition that who you are is more important than what you know, I give you your true name.

    You are forever more, Master of the Hamburgers, Interpreter of Joy, and Champion of Running-- 
                THEO-CHESHIRE-POWERFREAK of the Xangan Jungle of Dusseldorf, Germany! Now, go! Be wise and grow a long white beard of wisdom!”

    The ringing words of the Ninja echoed off the walls of the cave in the dim light. The Platypus, now known as Theo-Cheshire-PowerFreak, did not speak, did not move, did not even bake. After some time, as the silence between them became increasingly awkward, the Ninja coughed. Theo-Cheshire-PowerFreak shifted his furry toes uncomfortably, and dared to speak once more.

    “Is…is that it?”
                “Is that what,” asked the Ninja blankly.

    “Well, I don’t know… It’s kind of a let-down isn’t it? Can I at least get a plaque or something?”

    The Ninja stared at Theo-Chesh… T-C-PF. “I…I suppose…”

    “That would be fantastic. I was thinking of throwing a party back home, and I would feel giddy if I walked in with nothing but some memories and a bottle of Scotch,” laughed T-C-PF, holding up his canteen in one hand.

    The Ninja scribbled T-C-PF’s name on a piece of rock.

    “Does that satisfy you?”

    “Oh, that’s great. Could you just sign it? I’ve got this cousin, wherethefishlives--never believes anything without solid evidence, always cuts in on my stories ‘Prove it! Prove it!’… Totally annoying. Okay! Thanks! Are we done?”

    “Ah, yes. I believe so,” said the Ninja, feeling a bit deflated. It perked up at a thought, and asked, “Unless you would rather continue in the cave to find the most Posh Step-sist—“

    “—No, no, I’m good!”

    The Ninja sighed in resignation. “Well then. I…guess this is farewell.”

    “Mm-hmm.”

    “Farewell, Theo-Cheshire-PowerFreak. May you spread the essences of this jungle to all who are seek—“

    “—And yadda-yadda, and so forth, yes, thank you, gotta run. Parties without the main attraction are such a drag, and ‘fashionably late’ no longer exists. ‘Bye!”

    With that, T-C-PF left the cave, never to return.

     

    “Wow ..., “ muttered the Ninja. “No one appreciates quests like they used to.” And it went back to sleep.


    The End.


    Credits:

    #1 Romans_837: 1 Unit of Time & 2 Adjectives

                Hour, & Beautiful, Hot

    #2 Anna_rie: 1 Unit of Time & 2 Adjectives

                Fortnight, & Plummy, Posh

    #3 Christianchemist: 2 Adjectives & 1 Noun (animal)

                Colloquial, Lilliputian, & Aardvark

    #4 MyxlDove: 2 Adjectives & 1 Noun (animal)

                Unemployed, Fluorescent, & Duckbilled Platypus

    #5 Jillp073104: 2 Adjectives & 1 Noun (place)

                Pasty, Dumpy, & Dusseldorf, Germany

    #6 LensPainter: 2 Adjectives & 1 Noun (thing)

                Incompetent, Fertile, & Step-sister

    #7 Elelkewljay: 1 Adjective & 2 Nouns (thing)

                Fuzzy, Ninja, Cologne

    #8 Mellibella: 2 Nouns (thing) & 1 Noun (idea)

                Statue of Liberty, Hamburger & Love

    #9 MakinzyKrysteen: 2 Nouns (thing) & 1 Noun (idea)

                Frisbee, Eggbeater, & Dream

    #10 Colonialgrl: 1 Noun (idea) & 2 Emotions

                Courage, Gratified, Bemused

    #11 The44thHour: 2 Emotions & 2 Adverbs

                Elated, Joyful, & Boldly, Expeditiously

    #12 Iloveccsomuchitsdisgusting: 1 Emotion & 3 Adverbs

                Giddy, & Happily, Excessive, Around

    #13 StrokeOfThought: 3 verbs & 1 Color

                Transform, Attack, Consecrate, & Purple

    #14 CrazySwede: 3 verbs & 1 Color

    Skip, Hop, Breathe, & Orange

    #15 CertifiedXangsta: 3 verbs & 1 Liquid

                Asphyxiate, Perturb, Pantomime, & Scotch

    #16 AlterEgo909: 2 Verbs & 2 Xangans

                Ride, Play, & TheBigShowAtUD, Antisoccermom

    #17 Firewillconsume: 2 Verbs & 2 Xangans

                Running, Baking, & TheTheologiansCafe, TheCheshireGrins

    #18 Fairywife: 2 Xangans & 1 Number & 1 Taste

                Power_Ranger_Freak, Wherethefishlives, & 3, & Cherry

    #19 Izzysgal: 2 Body Parts & 2 Exclamations

                Arm, Big Toe, & Jumpin’ Juniper, Wow
    _________________________________________________



    SO, WHATCHA THINK?!
    ~Madly Victoria

    Currently
    Pirates of the Caribbean - At World's End (Widescreen Edition)
    By Johnny Depp, Keira Knightley, Orlando Bloom
    see related

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