Thursday, 12 November 2009

• Stop the Rollercoaster, I Wanna Get Off! (RePost)

  If you are going to have a well-rounded impression of who I am, you'd better get one thing straight. I hate adrenaline. By extension, I hate scary movies, overly-suspenseful movies (unless it's Harrison Ford or Mel Gibson), attempting turns while ice-skating, and especially rollercoasters. While some have assumed that it is because I'm afraid something bad will happen to me, that isn't the primary reason. I simply hate the feeling of adrenaline rushing through my body and would prefer to avoid it as often as possible. (**please note: this does not automatically mean that I'm not adventurous. I don't take unnecessary chances, it's true, but I still have an adventurous side. It just probably doesn't look like yours!)
  
  Similarly, I hate emotions rushing through me as well. For a long, long time I was stuck on my emotional rollercoaster, completely subject to the twists and turns it would take. I couldn't get off.
  To switch analogies on you (keep up!), a word or an impression would let loose a floodgate of emotion that made me feel like I was trying to stand up in the middle of an ocean. I was swept away by my feelings and nothing could change that.
  It was difficult to act as God wanted me to when dealing with these hills and waves of emotion. I knew I could choose a response, regardless of my feelings, but I felt trapped. Before I could choose a reaction, I had to take time and energy to calm myself down enough to think rationally again. It was one of those cycles within that I could not shake.

  Last year, all that changed.

  I'm still a very passionate person and I still feel some hills and waves of emotion, but I can honestly say that they are mostly God-honoring emotions. The days of being overwhelmed by guilt, shame, fear, anger, bitterness, and being offended are at an end. I'm not trapped by my emotions anymore. I'd like to share with you how I managed it.

  Sensei Victoria shall guide you in the way of Tranquility... *Karate Kid music fades in*

  

   

  Okay, okay *music cuts* seriously though. There are a few simple rules to remember about emotions, if you want to truly experience self-control. And here they are, as I understand them:

  Step One: Assume responsibility.
  That's right; contrary to what every woman has ever maintained, you ARE responsible for what you strongly feel. You CAN help it. And now you're all saying "No you can't! You can't help it if something bugs you!" Oh but you can. Until you accept responsibility for this, you can't break free from the hold your emotions have on you. Do you want to fight through waves of emotion before being able to make a decision or do you want your emotions to reside in their proper place? You can't change what you refuse to be responsible for.

  Step Two: Recognize the connection.
  I completely understand that emotions are knee-jerk responses to circumstances and impressions. I'm not going to tell you that by counting to ten, you can somehow "choose" which emotion to feel. You can make your decisions in an emotional moment like that, but we're dealing with the floodgates that come before you started thinking straight again.
  There is a fundamental connection between emotion and your core beliefs. If you know the word "presupposition", that's what I'm talking about. If you don't know that word, get familiar with it because it is excellent and incredibly useful, but in the meantime let me attempt a brief explanation. Presuppositional beliefs are the "lenses" through which we interpret the world. You probably don't know half of the presuppositions you have, because you create them without analyzing them first. It is how you learned to see things. We often have to unlearn some of these things in order to see reality for what it truly is. (This is another post altogether, lets keep moving before I lose you.)
  My point is that those hidden beliefs you have--because everybody has 'em--are the reasons for your emotional responses. You get angry when nobody at school recognizes the effort you put into a project. Why did you get angry? More than likely, you have a presuppositional or core belief that your effort is valuable and deserves to appreciated. What happened in reality offended your core belief, so you got angry.
  Lets try another one. Lets say a friend of yours that you find attractive took the time to send you a card on your birthday. You feel elated. Aside from the obvious reasons that you're attracted and enjoy the attention, why else do you feel so happy? Because you have a core belief that your worth is defined by another person's standards--if they say you are special, then you believe it.
  Obviously, these are not the only core beliefs a person may have in either situation; these were working examples.

  Step Three: Make the change.
  You were right; in the heat of the moment, when the pressure is on, you will probably be unable to determine which emotion you should feel. Those reactions are too fast and too programmed to stop dead in their tracks. You need to get back to the root.
  Think of the moments when you become irrationally emotional--bad or good. See if you can look honestly enough into yourself to determine why you tend to feel that way. You're not allowed to use phrases like, "Because my parents..." or "Whenever he/she has this attitude..." It's all on you right now. Your emotions, your core beliefs. Once you find what that root belief is, if you discover it needs to be tweaked or completely replaced, begin to change it. (As a Christian, I believe that the only way to truly discover the nature of your core beliefs is to apply a godly perspective and worldview. Just to let you know.)
  Easier said than done? Epically.
  What I find is that it's best to only work on one or two core beliefs at a time. Otherwise you change nothing and just feel overwhelmed again. Put up sticky notes, find inspirational quotes, anything to get your brain to tag the moments when you are NOT emotional and you can address that core belief. If it's the example of anger stemming from needing to feel appreciated, tweak that and make your focus on producing the best you can because it is your job rather than on gaining a pat on the back. That way you can find pleasure in that recognition without jumping on it "like a starving man on a Christmas ham." (Remember the Titans quote, sorry)
  
  Step Four: Pass it on.
  What will happen when you address the core beliefs in your life is that those moments of being swept away by emotion will lessen. You can fully enjoy your range of emotion because you are not battling for control with it! When those trigger circumstances or impressions come up in your life, you'll find that your knee-jerk reactions will change. You'll be able to think clearly right away. You will see those situations in light of reality as it is, rather than exclusively how reality relates to you.
  And when you reach this place, it is vital that you explain the process to someone else. Have a heart; don't just watch someone flailing around in the seat of their emotional rollercoaster! Ask if they want off, and show them the exit sign.
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  One final statement that may save me some grace, heh. Passionate emotions are a good thing. A wonderful thing! I'm in no way advocating getting rid of all your emotions. That would be...well, lets face it, that would be frightening. And empty.
  No, what I would love to see is more women like myself (and men as well, although I'm not as well-versed in man-emotion even though especially since I'm married ) able to embrace the emotions they experience without being controlled by said emotions. I want you to be angry when it's appropriate, but I don't want you to keep struggling with being angry for days. I want you to feel pain in your heart when tragedy occurs, but I don't want you to drown in it. I want you to experience giddy happiness, but I don't want you to base your decisions off a transient feeling.
  When you have an irrationally emotional response to something, it's your clue that some bit of your core beliefs is out of whack. Work on changing that belief rather than trying to stem the flow of emotion.
  All right. I've had my say. Say yours!
  ~Impassioned Victoria

  Currently The Silmarillion By J.R.R. Tolkien see related

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